Luke 8:42-48 NIV

As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.

“Who touched me?” Jesus asked.

When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.”

But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.”

Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”

Heres the picture. Jesus is crowded in, people pushing past as he is walking.

That day a woman who has tried to find an answer for her problems for many years learns of his whereabouts. maybe she has seen the crowds, maybe she has heard stories or rumours about this man, Jesus. Whatever it was that provoked her, she reached on through to touch him, she thought ‘if I could just touch him, I would be made whole.’

She knew Jesus was the answer for her problems, but when He called to see who had touched him, she still hid away in her shame.

Jesus could have moved on not making an issue of the healing, it is no effort too great for God to heal. yet, he stopped. He wanted to make the woman aware, she did not need to hide. There was no need for her to be ignored. Her issue of blood may have kept people looking away from her for years, believing she was an outcast or unclean. Maybe some believed it was a punishment from God.

But I see Jesus stopping. He could overlook her, he has healed her already — need he do more? But it was important for the Son of Man to go further. He wanted to affirm her. The words from his mouth ‘Daughter, your faith has healed you.. go in peace.’

Something about this just makes me wonder about this Jesus who finds it so important to affirm the one who is infront of him, even though there are the crowds surrounding him, He takes the time to validate this one woman as a person.

look into his eyes

so I was listening to Misty Edward’s talking the other day and she talked about the rhetoric of using language like your heart is alive when really it isn’t.

Something along the lines of this struck me.. you think that you are on fire until you look into the eyes of the burning man.

Then you see his deep desire for us that is beyond anything we can think or imagine.

I want to get to know him.

Mercy: God’s only strategy

So the other day I met up with a friend and the conversation I had with him was quite interesting.

Really what it comes down to, is can you get a vision that God enjoys you, meaning that when you see Him looking at you, do you feel his pleasure towards you…

It was encouraging. It is true that there is nothing like feeling the enjoyment of God over your life. But that doesn’t mean that things in life are easy. We live in a hard world, and sometimes life is difficult.

At times you may fail, over and over- and when you feel the bitter taste of disappointment in your mouth it’s hard to stand up again.

What about when you fall? it is true that he calls us to rise again, but the guy I was just talking about put it something like this:

God only has ONE strategy, it is mercy. He desires to use weak and broken people and that is all He has to work with. We fall, we get things wrong and the only way we ever move forward is because he extends his mercy to us that we can get up again and keep going.

The bible says we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. When we fall, we can receive the cleansing work of the cross, push delete on our mistakes and stand up again.

David said in psalm 19 ‘Your gentleness hath made me great’ he was a man after God’s own heart, yet also familiar with grave sin. But he knew that when he fell, if he would turn to God then he would not be rejected. It was this gentleness of God shown by his continual mercy that was leading David to become great.

I once heard a lady say, the leaders in this generation are just the ones who kept standing up again when things were difficult in the generation before.

There are always opportunities to stay down in our failure and shame,
If we take hold of his mercy and keep standing up, if we just don’t quit — then we will make it. That is His strategy and this is His wisdom.

Fathering in the desert

Numbers 14:3,7b-8

“Why is the LORD bringing us into this land, to fall by the sword? Our wives and our little ones will become plunder; would it not be better for us to return to Egypt?”

[Then Joshua and Caleb spoke]

The land which we passed through to spy out is an exceedingly good land. “If the LORD is pleased with us, then He will bring us into this land and give it to us—a land which flows with milk and honey.

The Hebrew people had been called out of living in captivity in a foreign land to go out to a new place that God had ready for them. But the journey required that they would trust in God.

When we do new or different things we can have to move out of our comfort zones or there can sometimes be difficult times of learning when you stretch yourself. Sometimes when we look at life’s problems and the obstacles that stand in our way it can look like we should return to the place where things were easy, we didn’t have to push through the roughness of the desert.

Whether they would inherit the land would come down to this one thing Joshua said,

“If the LORD is pleased with us, then He will bring us into this land and give it to us”

Because the hebrew people had seen God do many great and miraculous things, believing God to be strong was not a problem for them. Later they would construct metal idols representing strength. It showed that they were happy in their hearts to believe in a strong yet stoic god, without personality and so being without emotions.

If they were to inherit the promised land, they would need to come to a place of understanding that God was with them and he would fulfil his promises not only because of his great strength and ability to do it, but the reason he would do it was ultimately because of his great pleasure towards them. They needed to learn in the traveling and stretching time that God was not going to give up on them.

It had been difficult for them to open their hearts to receive this, but without this understanding, they would not enter into their inheritance.

God desired to show himself in the roughness of the desert as a Father wanting to lead them through.

Jeremiah 3:1
“I myself said, “‘How gladly would I treat you like sons and give you a desirable land, the most beautiful inheritance of any nation.’ I thought you would call me ‘Father’ and not turn away from following me.

Deuteronomy 1:31
and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.”

When you have to put the effort in and things seem difficult or impossible (like facing giants), It is so often easy to grumble, complain and sometimes just give up altogether. It’s during these testings and times of growing in our life that we need to persevere and show endurance, listening to the Father’s voice and to believe that as our Father He works for our good.

leaving egypt

“You’ve been too long upon this mountain
Its time you journey to the sea
Sometimes to trust in your false comfort
Is easier than trusting me
Some men only believe in what their eyes can see
Some men only believe in what their minds conceive

But believing’s like conceiving
This child that we’re receiving
A gift beyond our reason
Its more of what we need, and less of what we know
It calls not to our mind, but cries out to our soul

That mountain’s burning in the sky
To the heart of heaven
Without the fire we’ll never fly
To the heart of heaven
Can you hear God’s holy cry
From the heart of heaven
Lay it all down
Lay it all down
Lay it all down
For the heart of heaven “


say what you feel(not always recommended)

I often read blogs and find people, especially christians writing about their latest understanding of something. Whether a book review, the latest understanding of a doctrine. Often what we read can be so true, but it can lack so much. I’m not against book reviews, but when what we read has no long term marking in our hearts, it is generally fruitless.

I have been told by different people from different parts of the world that I should blog. Something I would like to write about is the apostolic heart of Jesus. What is he feeling and thinking? Why did he come? What is he doing now?

There is an invitation to feel the depths of the emotions of Christ. We are invited in to experience His heart and stand with Him. He said in Jer 3:15 he would give shepherds according to his heart.

We are invited in to this place. I want something of real depth, and that is found in the emotions of God alone, but how can I write and claim to know something I have no knowledge of? He is looking for someone to share his heart with. Who will listen?

There is a place of friendship with God. Jesus promised to do nothing except he reveals it first to his servants, to the disciples he said, Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me John 15:15.

There is a close friendship with God that we will only experience as we perpetually walk with him.

An invitation to whole-heartedness

My journey begins with the knowledge of God. Everything I thought I knew about Him, I must lay down, so that I can press on to the true knowledge of Him, For I have found time and time again, that when I think I know Him, I am no more than deceived and my heart grows in pride and waxes cold. For if my heart is not moved by knowledge of Him, then I have atheism in my heart and act out in wickedness. That may sound like strong language. But the very premise that our ways, when chosen above God’s stand as anything other than wickedness, shows the depths of our fallen condition, we think we know better than Him. We think that the way we choose is right. Every time we choose our way, no matter how small or reasonable it may seem over His – it is to lift ourselves above God. It is from that premise of our own way being agreeable that, we must turn from and look to who He really is. As when we see Who He is, then we see why we must follow His way.

The true knowledge of God will push our hearts to give ourselves whole heartedly to Him. To live in ever-deepening consecration, We cannot stand still concerning deepening our knowledge in Him, for if we ever settle and think we have searched Him out and understand Him, then our hearts wax cold, but if we will press in, our hearts will become fascinated by Him. The Third group of course, are those who deny the invitation to come to Him altogether, for they think they have decided enough for themselves, He is not who me say He is. To this group I say, come, I have tasted and seen, there is nothing that comes close to the exhilaration of deep communion with the deity. His way is life. To extent those who feel they have grasped Him and those who have so far denied the invitation to come into experiential knowledge of Him sit together. Neither one has a heart made alive by fresh encounter of the person of God. Both are settled in complacency. He is more than we have yet imagined.

So Who is He?

To describe Him, my God is like fire, He is like rain, He is like wind. He is the one who’s feet are like burnished bronze. He is immutable. The vehement flame of love, a consuming fire, yet beyond all of descriptions, they do not tell you really who He is, they may seem like strong language, they should, I can’t describe to you who He is, for He stands beyond everything I know. I will never comprehend Him, except that He chooses to reveal of Himself to my finite understanding. You see I am constrained to see and experience Him as I am finite. Being infinite He stands as beyond any description of Him that we could place on Him. To be clear, He has chosen to reveal Himself to me through things which I can comprehend, though those things in themselves are not God, and so not to be the focus of my worship, that is anything created. When God reveals Himself through nature, it is because He desires to communicate something of how He feels towards us, or how He desires to engage with us. 

So yet when I find myself thinking to have understood Him, by grace I realise, I have yet to begin. I will never exhaust searching out the mysteries of who He really is.

Do not get me wrong, I know Him, I can still tell you about Him, for I have looked and seen where the mysteries are hidden: In a Man, the theanthropos, the GodMan, Christ Jesus. I have just not even begun to search them out yet. He alone is the express image of the invisible God. The radiance of the divine.


You see, He took on flesh and in doing so showed us His intention to bring us to Himself forever. For that was His good pleasure. There sits the first mystery. It is not that it is incomprehensible, though that in itself is, when you try to consider the immutable God, having no parts, being complete in total unity, clothing Himself in flesh. God Immutable Indivisible Invisible Incarnate.

Rather, the mystery is one which we shall never exhaust searching out, the riches of the manifold wisdom of God shown towards us in His kind intent, by bringing us into relationship with Himself. God has been Kind. We can trust He always will be kind, for He will never act differently beyond what He has shown of Himself for us, for He is, He never changes.

And so I am entering again into a journey, where I forget all I have known. To look deep upon this God, the God incomprehensible, yet the focus of my meditation. For in Him is all that I need. Because, He has created me for Himself.


So my blog.. this being my first post. I would invite you, not to enter into my journey – for you cannot. Gone are the days when we would go to another to get to God. So rather, I hope perhaps inspire you to some of what is available, to enter to your own journey, for there is an invitation to come to Jesus and to experience the same exhilaration in your inner-being that He has brought to so many before. He Is True Beauty, meditation on Him will awaken the heart to love and fascinate our minds. It is available because of the work of the cross. In the depths of God’s love, He took on Himself the punishment for all the wickedness that separated us from Him, so each of us can now come to Him. That is His invitation to us. To set our hearts on this ceaseless journey, we will never reach the end of searching out.

I desire to search Him out, that my life may be thrown upon Him. That I would come out of this life leaning upon my Beloved. This only comes as I gaze upon Him, as I seek and enquire of the mysteries and allow the Spirit of Revelation to move upon my heart, brining fresh depth of insight into who God is and how He feels concerning me. I do not want to live on yesterdays encounter. I want to walk deeper into the mysteries of God today.

I shall leave you with one of my favorite quotes, its about Jesus.

“Jesus, as the expressed image and exact representation of the Father, displays the depths of God’s tenderness to weak, fractured, fallen human beings… This tenderness causes wells of love to spring forth… A heart won in tenderness is a heart secured in the tightest grip imaginable and will not give way in the darkest hours.” – Allen Hood


Hebrews 1:3 (AMP)

3He is the sole expression of the glory of God [the Light-being, the out-raying or radiance of the divine], and He is the perfect imprint and very image of [God's] nature, upholding and maintaining and guiding and propelling the universe by His mighty word of power. When He had by offering Himself accomplished our cleansing of sins and riddance of guilt, He sat down at the right hand of the divine Majesty on high

Other recommended reading: Ephesians chapter 1-3